THIS BLOG WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN POSSIBLE WITHOUT THE EXCELLENT CONTRIBUTIONS OF MY VERY SWEET AND FAVOURITE UNCLE MR. MUJIB KIDWAI.

Saturday 15 September 2012

HISTORY OF INDIA


‎~ A BRIEF HISTORY OF INDIA...
as written by a Class - X schoolboy,
with all the original spellings.
This guy is a genius!!!

It will make you laugh

The original inhabitants of ancient India were called Adidases, who lived in two
cities called Hariappa and Mujhe-na-Darao . These cities had the best drain system
in the world and so there was no brain drain from them. Ancient India was full of
myths, which have been handed down from son to father. A myth is a female moth. A
collection of myths is called mythology, which means stories with female
caricatures. One myth says that people in olden times worshipped monkeys because
they were our incestors.

In olden times there were two big families in India. One was called the Pandava
and the other was called the Karova. They fought amongst themselves in a battle
called Mahabharat, after which India came to be known as Mera Bharat Mahan.

In midevil times India was ruled by the Slave Dienasty. So named because they all
died a nasty death. Then came the Tughlaqs who shifted their capital from Delhi
because of its pollution.

They were followed by the Mowglis. The greatest Mowgli was Akbar because he
extinguished himself on the battlefield of Panipat which is in Hurryana. But his
son Jehangir was peace loving; he married one Hindu wife and kept 300 porcupines.

Then came Shahajahan who had 14 sons. Family planning had not been invented at
that time. He also built the Taj Mahal hotel for his wife who now sleeps there.
The king sent all his sons away to distant parts of India because they started
quarrelling.

Dara Seiko was sent to UP, Shaikh Bhakhtiyar was sent to J & K, while Orangezip
came to Bombay to fight Shivaji. However, after that they changed its name to
Mumbai because Shivaji's sena did not like it. They also do not like New Delhi, so
they are calling it Door Darshan.

After the Mowglis came Vasco the Gama. He was an exploder who was circumcising
India with a 100 foot clip per.

Then came the British. They brought with them many inventions such as cricket,
tramtarts and steamed railways.

They were followed by the French who brought in French fries, pizzazz and laundry.
But Robert Clive drove them out when he deafened Duplex who was out membered since
the British had the queen on their side. Eventually, the British came to overrule
India because there was too much diversity in our unity. The British overruled
India for a long period. They were great expotents and impotents. They started
expoting salt from India and impoting cloth.

This was not liked by Mahatma Gandhi who wanted to produce his own salt. This was
called the swedish moment. During this moment, many people burnt their lion cloths
in the street and refused to wear anything else. The British became very angry at
this and stopped the production of Indian testiles.

In 1920, Mahatma Gandhi was married to one wife. Soon after he became the father
of the nation. In 1942 he started the Quiet India moment, so named because the
British were quietly lootaoing our country.

In 1947, India became free and its people became freely loving. This increased our
population. Its government became a limited mockery, which means people are
allowed to take the law in their own hands with the help of the police. Our
constipation is the best in the world because it says that no man can be hanged
twice for the same crime. It also says you cannot be put in prison if you have not
paid your taxis. Another important thing about our constipation is that it can be
changed. This is not possible with the British constipation because it is not
written on paper.

The Indian Parlemint consists of two houses which are called lower and higher.
This is because one Mr Honest Abe said that two houses divided against itself
cannot withstand.

So Pandit Nehru asked the British for freedom at midnight since the British were
afraid of the dark . At midnight, on August 15, there was a tryst in Parlemint in
which many participated by wearing khaki and hosting the flag.

Recently in India, there have been a large number of scams and a plaque. It can be
dangerous because many people died of plaque in Surat. Scams are all over India.
One of these was in Bihar where holy cows were not given anything to eat by their
elected leader. The other scam was in Bofor which is a small town in Switzerland.
In this, a lot of Indian money was given to buy a gun which can shoot a coot.

Presently India has a coalishun government made up of many parties, left, right
and centre. It has started to library the economy. This means that there is now no
need for a licence as the economy will be driven by itself. India is also trying
to become an Asian tiger because its own tigers are being poached. Another
important event this year was the Shark meeting at Malas Dive. At this place,
shark leaders agreed to share their poverty, pollution and population." :-)
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