Wednesday, 12 December 2012



After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell
phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart, its Eric. I am on the train."
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting".
"No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss".
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life". "Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart"
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.
When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said
into the phone..........................
"Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer."

Monday, 10 December 2012



 little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'

Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor..'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead..'

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

Thursday, 20 September 2012


An Amish mother and her family had to travel into the city and while there, her 15 year old son and her husband wandered into the local shopping mall.....
Description: Description:          

The boy and his father were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life; I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.....


They continued to watch until it reached the last number.... and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order......
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.........

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....'Go get your Mother.'


Wife Girlfriend Software!
Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Fishing 7.5, and Motorcycling 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!!!!!!


Dear Troubled User:

This is due to a very common problem that generates many complaints. It is due to a primary misconception generally by male users. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that it is merely a “Utilities and Entertainment program”. 
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. 
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to disallow this. 
Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under  “Warnings - Alimony/Child Support.” I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. 
I suggest installing the background application C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding “General Partnership Faults (GPFs).” You must assume all responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPF’s are cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return too normal anyway. 
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), Trash 4.0, and Do Bills 4.2. 
You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen. 
WARNING!!!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Tuesday, 18 September 2012


Twinkle twinkle little star..
kaiku me wonder karon who you r..
mere ku apneich fikran bohat hain..

na me farig hun na bekar..
buchon ki fees bivi ki shoping..
pehli kuich hojaty qatam pagar..
mehngai roz bardhte jarie..
us pe bivi pregnant athween bar..
ab to khaku muddat hogai..
khichri qeema papard achar..
ghar k qarche kum kerne ku..
bungya me mali bawerchi jamedar...
twinkle twinkle little star...
why life hurts so much yaar :((
Like ·  · 4 hours ago · 

Saturday, 15 September 2012


as written by a Class - X schoolboy,
with all the original spellings.
This guy is a genius!!!

It will make you laugh

The original inhabitants of ancient India were called Adidases, who lived in two
cities called Hariappa and Mujhe-na-Darao . These cities had the best drain system
in the world and so there was no brain drain from them. Ancient India was full of
myths, which have been handed down from son to father. A myth is a female moth. A
collection of myths is called mythology, which means stories with female
caricatures. One myth says that people in olden times worshipped monkeys because
they were our incestors.

In olden times there were two big families in India. One was called the Pandava
and the other was called the Karova. They fought amongst themselves in a battle
called Mahabharat, after which India came to be known as Mera Bharat Mahan.

In midevil times India was ruled by the Slave Dienasty. So named because they all
died a nasty death. Then came the Tughlaqs who shifted their capital from Delhi
because of its pollution.

They were followed by the Mowglis. The greatest Mowgli was Akbar because he
extinguished himself on the battlefield of Panipat which is in Hurryana. But his
son Jehangir was peace loving; he married one Hindu wife and kept 300 porcupines.

Then came Shahajahan who had 14 sons. Family planning had not been invented at
that time. He also built the Taj Mahal hotel for his wife who now sleeps there.
The king sent all his sons away to distant parts of India because they started

Dara Seiko was sent to UP, Shaikh Bhakhtiyar was sent to J & K, while Orangezip
came to Bombay to fight Shivaji. However, after that they changed its name to
Mumbai because Shivaji's sena did not like it. They also do not like New Delhi, so
they are calling it Door Darshan.

After the Mowglis came Vasco the Gama. He was an exploder who was circumcising
India with a 100 foot clip per.

Then came the British. They brought with them many inventions such as cricket,
tramtarts and steamed railways.

They were followed by the French who brought in French fries, pizzazz and laundry.
But Robert Clive drove them out when he deafened Duplex who was out membered since
the British had the queen on their side. Eventually, the British came to overrule
India because there was too much diversity in our unity. The British overruled
India for a long period. They were great expotents and impotents. They started
expoting salt from India and impoting cloth.

This was not liked by Mahatma Gandhi who wanted to produce his own salt. This was
called the swedish moment. During this moment, many people burnt their lion cloths
in the street and refused to wear anything else. The British became very angry at
this and stopped the production of Indian testiles.

In 1920, Mahatma Gandhi was married to one wife. Soon after he became the father
of the nation. In 1942 he started the Quiet India moment, so named because the
British were quietly lootaoing our country.

In 1947, India became free and its people became freely loving. This increased our
population. Its government became a limited mockery, which means people are
allowed to take the law in their own hands with the help of the police. Our
constipation is the best in the world because it says that no man can be hanged
twice for the same crime. It also says you cannot be put in prison if you have not
paid your taxis. Another important thing about our constipation is that it can be
changed. This is not possible with the British constipation because it is not
written on paper.

The Indian Parlemint consists of two houses which are called lower and higher.
This is because one Mr Honest Abe said that two houses divided against itself
cannot withstand.

So Pandit Nehru asked the British for freedom at midnight since the British were
afraid of the dark . At midnight, on August 15, there was a tryst in Parlemint in
which many participated by wearing khaki and hosting the flag.

Recently in India, there have been a large number of scams and a plaque. It can be
dangerous because many people died of plaque in Surat. Scams are all over India.
One of these was in Bihar where holy cows were not given anything to eat by their
elected leader. The other scam was in Bofor which is a small town in Switzerland.
In this, a lot of Indian money was given to buy a gun which can shoot a coot.

Presently India has a coalishun government made up of many parties, left, right
and centre. It has started to library the economy. This means that there is now no
need for a licence as the economy will be driven by itself. India is also trying
to become an Asian tiger because its own tigers are being poached. Another
important event this year was the Shark meeting at Malas Dive. At this place,
shark leaders agreed to share their poverty, pollution and population." :-)
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Friday, 7 September 2012


1. Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
  2. Having one child makes you a parent, having more you are a referee
  3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband
  4. I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried, but they want cash
  5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you have purchased new school uniform
  6. You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it
  7. Marriage is give and take. You would better give it to her or she will take it anyway.
  8. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I am wrong and she agrees with me.
  9. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

10. They  call our language the mother tongue coz the father seldom gets to speak

11. Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
      It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins.

12. Wife : Darling, today is our anniversary, what should we do?
      Husband : Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

13. It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage v/s Arranged.
      It's like asking someone if suicide is better of being murdered.

14. There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

15.  There is only one perfect wife in the world and every  neighbour has her!



1.Tries to use credit cards in a road side hotel.
2. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of being health conscious.
3. Sprays deodorant so that he doesn’t need to take bath.
4. Sneezes and says ‘Excuse me’.
5. Says “Hey” instead of “Hi”, ”Yoghurt” instead of “Curds”, ”Cab” instead of “Taxi”, “Trunk” of “Dicky” for a car trunk, ”Candy” instead of “Chocolate”,”Cookie” instead of “Biscuit” , ”got to go” instead of “Have to go”.
Says “Oh” instead of “Zero”, (for 704, he will say Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
6. Doesn’t forget to complain about the air pollution. Keeps complaining every time he steps out.
7. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)
8. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep inside multiplies by 55).
9. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
10. When he needs to say Z (zed), he never says Z (Zed), instead repeats “Zee” several times, and if the other person is unable to get it, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)
11. Writes the date in MM/DD/YYYY. On watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says “Oh! British Style!!!!”
12. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and the Indian Road Conditions.
13. Even after 2 months, complaints about “Jet Lag”.
14. Avoids eating spicy food.
15. Tries to drink “Diet Coke”, instead of Normal Coke. Eats Pizza instead of Dosa.
16. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time. Asks questions etc. about India as though its his first visit to India .
17. Pronounces “schedule” as “skejule”, and “module” as “mojule”.
18. Looks suspiciously towards any Hotel/Dhaba food.
19. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of the Airways by which he traveled back to India , even after 4 months of arrival.
20. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India and tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
21. Tries to begin any conversation with “In US ….” or “When I was in US…”

Friday, 31 August 2012


~ What Men Really Mean

1."I'm going fishing" -
Means.. "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety"

2. "It's a guy thing" -
Means.. "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

3. "Can I help with dinner?" -
Means.. "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"

4. "Uh huh", "Sure honey," or "Yes dear" -
Means.. Absolutely nothing; it is a conditioned response.

5. "It would take too long to explain" -
Means.. "I have no idea how it works".

6. "We're going to be late" -
Means.. "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac".

7. "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind"
Means.. "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra".

8. "Take a break honey, you're working too hard" -
Means.. "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner".

9. "That's interesting dear" -
Means.. "Are you still talking?"

10."It's a really good movie" -
Means.. "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women".

11."That's women's work" -
Means.. "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless".

12."You know how bad my memory is" -
Means.. "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday or our anniversary."

13."I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses" -
Means.. "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe".

14."Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal" -
Means.. "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt".

15."Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing" -
Means.. "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon".

16."I can't find it" -
Means.. "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless ".

17."What did I do this time?" -
Means.. "What did you catch me at?"

18."You know I could never love anyone else" -
Means.. "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse".

19."I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are" -
Means.. "No one will ever see us alive again". 

Wednesday, 8 August 2012




Friday, 20 July 2012


Itta kaiku yaad aare tum?
Haula banake ghumare tum,
kitte din hua apne ko mil k,
kaiko toh bhi tadpare tum?
koi bahana karke kabhi aa jao na,
Galli ke pichhu mil lenge apan,
Na msg karre na fone uthare,
bahar milne ka naam tak nai lere,
tumare nakhre dekh k lagra,
hona bolke satare tum,
mereko aur phirao nakko,
dil ko aur jalao nakko,
khali pili Drame karke,
kya taare zameen pe dikhare tum?? ;) :P