THIS BLOG WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN POSSIBLE WITHOUT THE EXCELLENT CONTRIBUTIONS OF MY VERY SWEET AND FAVOURITE UNCLE MR. MUJIB KIDWAI.

Friday 20 July 2012

HYDERABADI LOVE STORY

Itta kaiku yaad aare tum?
Haula banake ghumare tum,
kitte din hua apne ko mil k,
kaiko toh bhi tadpare tum?
koi bahana karke kabhi aa jao na,
Galli ke pichhu mil lenge apan,
Na msg karre na fone uthare,
bahar milne ka naam tak nai lere,
tumare nakhre dekh k lagra,
hona bolke satare tum,
mereko aur phirao nakko,
dil ko aur jalao nakko,
khali pili Drame karke,
kya taare zameen pe dikhare tum?? ;) :P

Tuesday 10 July 2012

WHAT COUPLES SAY

AT THE ATM

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
 
'Please note that this Bank is installing new 'Drive-through' ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
 
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
 
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'
 
 
*******************************
 
MALE PROCEDURE:
 
 
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
 
2. Put down your car window.
 
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
 
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
 
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
 
6. Put window up.
 
7. Drive off.
 
 
*******************************
 
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
 
 
Unfortunately, most of this part is the TRUTH!!!!
 
 
1. Drive up to cash machine.
 
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
 
3.  Set parking brake, put the window down.
 
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
 
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
 
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
 
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
 
8. Insert card.
 
9. Re-insert card the right way.
 
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
 
11. Enter PIN.
 
12. Press CANCEL and re-enter correct PIN.
 
13. Enter amount of cash required.
 
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
 
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
 
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
 
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
 
18. Re-check makeup.
 
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
 
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
 
21. Retrieve card.
 
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
 
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
 
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
 
25. Redial person on cell phone.
 
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
 
27. Release Parking Brake.
 
 

Thursday 5 July 2012

SARDAR JOKES



Click here to join nidokidos 
 
Sardar declares:
.... . . I will never marry in my life &. . .
.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . .. 

Click here to join nidokidos



A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran away
Sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka
de raha hai'.


Click here to join nidokidos




Santa went to Mysore palace.
Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - Oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..


Click here to join nidokidos
Sardar wanted to make a STD call to punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call..



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One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!


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Teacher: A for?
Sardar: 
Apple
Teacher: Jor se bolo?
Sardar: Jay mata di.



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2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both
copied.
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Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and
says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal....." Finally he wrote the
conclusion.......
..... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"


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A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"



2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....


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A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......


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A scene from Kohn Benega Crorepati....
Amitabh : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : Liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitabh stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......
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Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ...
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.
 
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Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
 
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Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
 
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Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken..
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.


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At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
 
 
 Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio!
 '
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NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE
:
 
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup....
 
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Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child
.
  

HOW TOILETS WERE INTRODUCED IN INDIAN RAILWAY COMPARTMENTS


Okhil Babu’s letter to the Railway Department (early 1900’s)
 ==============================================================

“I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with ‘lotah’in one hand and ‘dhoti’ in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on plateform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station. This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report to papers.”

Okhil Chandra Sen wrote this letter to the Sahibganj divisional railway office in 1909. It is on display at the Railway Museum in New Delhi. It was also reproduced under the caption “Travellers’ Tales” in the Far Eastern Economic Review.

Any guesses why this letter is of historic value?

 
It led to the introduction of TOILETS in trains!!!! J

DOWRY

THEN AND NOW

HUSBANDS AND WIVES





This is
the best and most civil way to have a fight between husband and wife instead of



resorting to physical force...
Poems written by WIFE and 
HUSBAND.






WIFE: 


I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.



Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack. 



HUSBAND: 





God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU. 




WIFE: 


Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are



Mental hospital is not so far 


HUSBAND: 





The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you? 

WIFE: 




Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkey like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but outside, laughing at you




AND
THE SAGA CONTINUES........



Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC 



No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor



He is designed to remain Silent indoor...  



.....................................................................



"Husband is
one who is the head of the family,



but his wife
is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."



........................................................................



A man in Hell asked Devil:



Can I make a call to my Wife?



After making call he asked how much to pay.



Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.



................................................................



 



Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?



It means,Without Information, Fighting Every time!



Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever



 



...........................................................................



 
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,



So I'd be in your hands all day.




Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one every day.



.................................................................



 



Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.



Wife: When must I give them to him?



Doctor: They are for you



...................................................................



 



Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are..



Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.



....................................................................



 



Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount



Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push...!




and the life  goes on,,,,,,,,,,



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