LITTLE LARRY

LARRY  A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'  Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?'  The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'  Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "  Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ....'

YOU CAN'T BEAT KIDS

 little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'. The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'  The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.' One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.' The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?' The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor..' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead..' A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 'Yes,' the class said.  'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' A little fellow shouted,  'Cause your feet ain't empty.' The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'  Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

HISTORY OF INDIA

‎~ A BRIEF HISTORY OF INDIA...
as written by a Class - X schoolboy,
with all the original spellings.
This guy is a genius!!!

It will make you laugh

The original inhabitants of ancient India were called Adidases, who lived in two
cities called Hariappa and Mujhe-na-Darao . These cities had the best drain system
in the world and so there was no brain drain from them. Ancient India was full of
myths, which have been handed down from son to father. A myth is a female moth. A
collection of myths is called mythology, which means stories with female
caricatures. One myth says that people in olden times worshipped monkeys because
they were our incestors.

In olden times there were two big families in India. One was called the Pandava
and the other was called the Karova. They fought amongst themselves in a battle
called Mahabharat, after which India came to be known as Mera Bharat Mahan.

In midevil times India was ruled by the Slave Dienasty. So named because they all
died a nasty death. Then came the Tughlaqs who shifted their capital from Delhi
because of its pollution.

They were followed by the Mowglis. The greatest Mowgli was Akbar because he
extinguished himself on the battlefield of Panipat which is in Hurryana. But his
son Jehangir was peace loving; he married one Hindu wife and kept 300 porcupines.

Then came Shahajahan who had 14 sons. Family planning had not been invented at
that time. He also built the Taj Mahal hotel for his wife who now sleeps there.
The king sent all his sons away to distant parts of India because they started
quarrelling.

Dara Seiko was sent to UP, Shaikh Bhakhtiyar was sent to J & K, while Orangezip
came to Bombay to fight Shivaji. However, after that they changed its name to
Mumbai because Shivaji's sena did not like it. They also do not like New Delhi, so
they are calling it Door Darshan.

After the Mowglis came Vasco the Gama. He was an exploder who was circumcising
India with a 100 foot clip per.

Then came the British. They brought with them many inventions such as cricket,
tramtarts and steamed railways.

They were followed by the French who brought in French fries, pizzazz and laundry.
But Robert Clive drove them out when he deafened Duplex who was out membered since
the British had the queen on their side. Eventually, the British came to overrule
India because there was too much diversity in our unity. The British overruled
India for a long period. They were great expotents and impotents. They started
expoting salt from India and impoting cloth.

This was not liked by Mahatma Gandhi who wanted to produce his own salt. This was
called the swedish moment. During this moment, many people burnt their lion cloths
in the street and refused to wear anything else. The British became very angry at
this and stopped the production of Indian testiles.

In 1920, Mahatma Gandhi was married to one wife. Soon after he became the father
of the nation. In 1942 he started the Quiet India moment, so named because the
British were quietly lootaoing our country.

In 1947, India became free and its people became freely loving. This increased our
population. Its government became a limited mockery, which means people are
allowed to take the law in their own hands with the help of the police. Our
constipation is the best in the world because it says that no man can be hanged
twice for the same crime. It also says you cannot be put in prison if you have not
paid your taxis. Another important thing about our constipation is that it can be
changed. This is not possible with the British constipation because it is not
written on paper.

The Indian Parlemint consists of two houses which are called lower and higher.
This is because one Mr Honest Abe said that two houses divided against itself
cannot withstand.

So Pandit Nehru asked the British for freedom at midnight since the British were
afraid of the dark . At midnight, on August 15, there was a tryst in Parlemint in
which many participated by wearing khaki and hosting the flag.

Recently in India, there have been a large number of scams and a plaque. It can be
dangerous because many people died of plaque in Surat. Scams are all over India.
One of these was in Bihar where holy cows were not given anything to eat by their
elected leader. The other scam was in Bofor which is a small town in Switzerland.
In this, a lot of Indian money was given to buy a gun which can shoot a coot.

Presently India has a coalishun government made up of many parties, left, right
and centre. It has started to library the economy. This means that there is now no
need for a licence as the economy will be driven by itself. India is also trying
to become an Asian tiger because its own tigers are being poached. Another
important event this year was the Shark meeting at Malas Dive. At this place,
shark leaders agreed to share their poverty, pollution and population." :-)

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