A BRIEF HISTORY OF INDIA

Brief BUT Complete History of India as written by a Std X student, with all the original spellings.   Enjoy!! "The original inhabitants of ancient India were called Adidases, who lived in two cities called Hariappa and Mujhe-na-Darao. These cities had the best drain system in the world and so there was no brain drain from them. Ancient India was full of myths which have been handed down from son to father. A myth is a female moth. A collection of myths is called mythology, which means stories with female caricatures. One myth says that people in olden times worshipped monkeys because they were our incestors. In olden  times there were two big families in India.  One was called the Pandava and the other was called the Karova. They fought amongst themselves in a battle called Mahabharat, after which  India came to be known as Mera Bharat Mahan. In midevil times  India was ruled by the Slave Dienasty. So named because they all died  a nasty death. Then came the Tughlaqs who shifted their capital from  Delhi because of its pollution. They were followed by the Mowglis. The greatest Mowgli was Akbar because  he extinguished  himself on the battlefield of Panipat which is in  Hurryana. But his son Jehangir was peace loving; he married one Hindu wife and kept 300 porcupines. Then came Shahajahan who had 14 sons. Family planning had not been invented at that time. He also built the Taj Mahal hotel for his wife who now sleeps there. The king sent all his sons away to distant parts of India because they started quarrelling. Dara Seiko was sent to UP,  Shaikh Bhakhtiyar was sent to J & K, while Orangezip came to Bombay to fight Shivaji. However, after that they changed its name to Mumbai because Shivaji's sena did not like it. They also do not like New Delhi, so they are calling it  Door Darshan. After the Mowglis came Vasco the Gama. He was an exploder who was circumcising India with a 100 foot clipper. Then came the British. They brought with them many inventions such as  cricket, tramtarts and steamed railways. They were followed by the French who brought in French fries, pizzazz and laundry. But Robert Clive drove them out when he deafened Duplex who was out membered  since the British had the queen on their side. Eventually, the British came to overrule India because there was too much diversity in our unity. The British overruled India for a long period.  They were great expotents and impotents. They started expoting salt from India and impoting cloth. This was not liked by Mahatma Gandhi who wanted to produce his own salt. This was called the Swedish moment. During this moment, many people burnt their lion cloths in  the street and refused to wear anything else. The British became very angry at this and stopped the production of Indian testiles. In 1920, Mahatma Gandhi was married to one wife. Soon after he became the father of the nation. In 1942 he started the Quiet India moment, so named because the British were quietly lootaoing our country. In 1947, India became free and its people became freely loving. This increased our population. Its government became a limited mockery, which means people are allowed to take the law in their own hands with the help of the police. Our constipation is the best in the world because it says that no man can be hanged twice for the same crime. It also says you cannot be put in prison if you have not paid your taxis. Another important thing about our constipation is that it can be changed. This is not possible with the British constipation because it is not written on paper. The Indian Parlemint consists of two houses which are called lower and higher.  This is because one Mr Honest Abe said that two houses divided against itself cannot withstand. So Pandit Nehru asked the British for freedom at midnight since the British were afraid of the dark. Atmidnight, on August 15, there was a tryst in Parlemint in which many participated by wearing khaki and hosting the  flag. Recently in India, there have been a large number of scams and a plaque. It can be dangerous because many people died of  plaque in Surat. Scams are all over India. One of these was in Bihar where holy cows were not given anything to eat by their elected leader. The other scam was in Bofor which is a small town in Switzerland. In this, a lot of Indian money was given to buy a gun which can shoot a coot . Presently India has a coalishun government made up of many parties, left, right and centre. It has started to library the economy. This means that there is now no need for a licence as the economy will be driven by itself. India is also trying to become an Asian tiger because its own tigers are being poached. Another important event this year was the Shark meeting at Malas Dive. At this place, shark leaders agreed to share their poverty, pollution and population."

 

 

HARYANVI ZINDABAD

This joke highlights the best of India, hope you njoy it


A punjabi woman goes to a haryanvi kirana shop to buy tea.

Woman: 'lipton di chah hai?'

Haryanvi shopkeeper: 'manne to na hai... Tanne hai to lipat ja'



A VERY GOOD ADVICE

USA RETURNED DESI

1.Tries to use credit cards in a road side hotel.
2. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of being health conscious.
3. Sprays deodorant so that he doesn’t need to take bath.

4. Sneezes and says ‘Excuse me’.
5. Says “Hey” instead of “Hi”, ”Yoghurt” instead of “Curds”, ”Cab” instead of “Taxi”, “Trunk” of “Dicky” for a car trunk, ”Candy” instead of “Chocolate”,”Cookie” instead of “Biscuit” , ”got to go” instead of “Have to go”.
Says “Oh” instead of “Zero”, (for 704, he will say Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
6. Doesn’t forget to complain about the air pollution. Keeps complaining every time he steps out.
7. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)
8. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep inside multiplies by 55).
9. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
10. When he needs to say Z (zed), he never says Z (Zed), instead repeats “Zee” several times, and if the other person is unable to get it, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)
11. Writes the date in MM/DD/YYYY. On watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says “Oh! British Style!!!!”
12. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and the Indian Road Conditions.
13. Even after 2 months, complaints about “Jet Lag”.
14. Avoids eating spicy food.
15. Tries to drink “Diet Coke”, instead of Normal Coke. Eats Pizza instead of Dosa.
16. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time. Asks questions etc. about India as though its his first visit to India .
17. Pronounces “schedule” as “skejule”, and “module” as “mojule”.
18. Looks suspiciously towards any Hotel/Dhaba food.
19. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of the Airways by which he traveled back to India , even after 4 months of arrival.
20. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India and tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
21. Tries to begin any conversation with “In US ….” or “When I was in US…”

PLANNING A CAREER

BRILLIANT

INDIA'S DIVERSITY

IT HAPPENS ONLY IN INDIA